Deconstructing MiLady

[miladycarol]

This was a question posed by zevhonith in her journal.

Do you think that other people see you the way you see yourself?

This was my response.
I would think they do. I'm sure that's not the case, in that we each have a unique perspective, but I tend to live my life very openly. If you ask me a question, I'll give you a straight answer. It's not always what you want to hear, but I hope my honesty is why they ask in the first place. I tend to live by example, or at least I think I do.

I used to have a very low self image, but I'm learning other ways to see myself. I don't live in Self-Actualizationville 100% of the time, but I do own some property there. *smiles* I hope that others see me as a fun, good-natured, well-meaning person, for that's how I see myself.

I put a lot of thought into the answer, but it left me thinking how the way others see me differs from my own opinions of myself. I believe it is very circumstantial, at times. When I pun, many people don’t appreciate it. Therefore, I conclude that they don’t find me as funny as I find myself. So, I imagine that all of you don’t see me quite as I do. It would amuse me (and, quite likely, educate me) greatly to pick around in your brains and have a see of myself.

So, for a limited time only, I am now authorizing a Deconstructing MiLady post. Here’s your chance to tell me something about myself that you feel I don’t know. Tell me something annoying, or something I need to work on...whatever you feel is appropriate. You can tell me you hate my laugh, that I’m too blunt or that you don’t like the way I comb my hair. Whatever you feel will be useful to me. Tough love is appreciated. To make sure you are perfectly frank, I’ll screen all the posts before they are published online. That way, you can tell me if you’d prefer it wasn’t known. Feel free to also post as anonymous.

I’ll be sorely disappointed if someone doesn’t post. I’m looking forward to using this as a growth experience. It would be hard to insult me, especially since I’m asking for opinions, so don’t hold back. Thank you, in advance, for participating.

Comments

[indiecowboy.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm......you are a listener. In the best sense of the word. You listen with your heart, mind and body. I can talk to you about anything.

You're extremely objective. You are able to scrutinize things we discuss in a very complete manner....yet with love and respect.

You are very gregarious. You live life heartily. You always find ways to make lemonade out of lemons.

You have always been a problem solver. One of your missions from the universe is to help with constructive problem solving...you are almost compulsive about it. I feel that you see the universe as a series of puzzles sometimes. That can be a very good thing. Not many people approach life's challenges with aplomb and passion..................yet you are open to mystery and unanswered questions. It's a dichotomy not many people can have.

You are a slef-made person. Meaning you have never shied away from hard work that allowed you to be independent and self sufficient. You have a "bootstrap" outlook....and I think you secretly harbor the beleif that most anyone can do it too...pull themsleves up, build on their strength, do practical things, live successfullly.

You are empathic....you feel people's energy and can plumb their emotional content. That's very hard to do. It's like hearing sounds other people don't hear.

You love, love, love, love...and when the well is dry you know how to do selfcare and ask for solitude or seek the love you need in return...but I worry you are "too self sufficient". But your selfcare approaches are so different than mine.

I am honored to call you my friend. You are beyond kind. I feel you get very little from me. I want to "do more" but don't know what that "more" is.
I miss you very, very, very much. I think of you often.

You are an inspiration to me and I want to grow up to be like you.

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

Oh my goodness! You are so beautiful to me!

I wasn't expecting all those positive attributes. You make it sound like there's nothing left to work on... so in an effort to find something, I'll persue your concern that I'm too self sufficient. What makes you think so? What are the characteristics of too much self sufficiency? And why are they worthy of worry?

[indiecowboy.livejournal.com]

Sel sufficeincy can sometimes isolate someone in their problem solving process....and make someone feel alone in their struggles.

Too much self sufficiency is someone who taxes their internal resources to the bursting point because of their credo to "Solve"...."find my answer"....I worry you suffer to much in silence. You are more capable than me to withstand more...but maybe you withstand more than you should when you could use your tribe, partnership, family and the people around you.

I rarely see you ask for help....sometimes I think you could.

I have seen you weather more than I could with no red flags...but sometimes you get to a zone of danger and you start extreme selfcare options....silence, retreating. Which are not bad per se....but maybe could of been mitigated by using your people resources around you.

I guess I may be low on your list of people for problem solving...since I am not so good with my own. But you help me so much...I want to do the same.

Sometimes I feel locked out. Not in a bad way...but in a sad way.

But I know there's not much about me that inspires a role of "problem solver".....but I'd like to try. Not for an ego stroke....but because you do so much for me. I want to repay your kindnesses.

And you're my beloved friend.

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

You are correct. I'm probably too independent. I always have been. I actually feel I've improved, but still, there is much work to be done. Perhaps it's only child syndrome. Maybe, it's just the way I'm wired. I would never try to force you to see something without the filter of your emotions, because I know that is how you are wired. I'm not sure how to correct the problem completely since, when I'm in those most painful moments, my natural instinct is to cave. Maybe my levels of testosterone are too high for my own good. *wink* At any rate, I truly believe the Universe doesn't mete out things we cannot handle. I believe this so strongly because I would sit weeping in despair constantly if it were not so. Tally ho and onward.

If I don't share everything with everyone, it is mostly because my worries are usually insignificant in respect with the worries of others. I have it so good that I have no right to complain, yet I still have moments where I do. I'll call it venting. I always eventually work out my problems. Sometimes it just takes time. No worries.

You probably have no idea how much therapy you offer me. I can't tell you how satisfying our relationship is. You give me so much love and appreciation for even the littlest, most insignificant of things, I'm consistently bowled over. You make me feel like a benevolent goddess, when all I'm doing is sitting over a pot of tea talking with you. If I ever feel down about myself, I just remember your expression of rapture when I brought you cookies or any of many numerous times when you felt I had done you some great honour. I remember how I felt when you rang my doorbell to tell my some great news unexpectedly. I was the first person you had to tell. I must have jumped around on a high cloud for an hour after that, and, I must confess, I can't be sure whether I was happier for your good news or the fact that you honoured me by choosing me to tell it to first. You are a tonic to me. *hug*

[thekitsune.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I have a hard time pinpointing who people actually are. There's silly little things, like you live in Eugene instead of Bellingham. I can't tell you to ditch the things I don't like about you, because I doubt you can ditch allergies to cats and cinnamon.

If there is anything, it's that you might not know if you know your own strength. You have a way of being straight-forward and kind, something not easy. You say you don't sugar-coat things, but maybe you fail to realize the countless others who put the same information in a much more harsh manner. Then again, maybe you do realize all this; as I said, I'm not the best judge of character.

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

Thank you. That's sweet. I really do think I can be too harsh, so it's interesting to hear that I'm an easier pill to take than I thought. *smiles*

And, yes, I'd love to not be allergic to things. I wish I could change that, too. My allergies have reached a point where they hamper my lifestyle. I'm doing my best to work around them, though.

[sbloss.livejournal.com]

Well for one thing, you're allergic to poosy cats. I find that highly offensive...*snigger* Seriously, I can't think of any real criticism.

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I spurn the kitties because of ill intent! *throws back head in evil laughter* Actually, I think it's sad to be so effected by them. I love kitties. I've tried having a cat as a pet twice and it just didn't work. *sigh* I think you should simply put me out of your misery. *wink*

I'm sure if you plumbed the depths you would find something, but your sweet nature probably prohibits you from saying anything less than glowing about anyone. *hug*

(lloks a twatch from time to time)

[dreadygoddess.livejournal.com]

I am noticing no one is posting....I think it may be because you are perfect ;)

Re: (lloks a twatch from time to time)

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

Hee hee... far from perfect, my dear. You don't see results because I was screening everything. Most of it is unlocked at this point.

On a completely unrelated topic, when I first read your subject line, my brain registered, "Licks a twatch from time to time." I think that's a far more exciting title than what you really meant to type. *giggles without restraint*