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I am such a freak! Here's the scenario: I have been working hard to clean my body so I can have the best place possible to bear a child. A few months ago my Naturopath gave me this test to determine my ability to pass things through my system in a timely fashion.
The first portion of the test is to take a NoDoz maximum strength caffeine pill and then spit in a tube in 2 hours. Then spit in another tube 4 hours after that. I did this 8 hours before I went to bed. Then right before I went to bed, I started phase 2 of the test. I took two acetaminophen and two Bayer aspirins and had to collect my urine for 10 hours.
What an awful night. I couldn't lie down because the caffeine pills were making my little heart go pitty pat right at an absurd rate. So I spent the whole sleepless night pacing the living room floor, and collecting my urine. My stomach was immensely upset and I was nauseous. Usually, when I am feeling that way, I stick a lavender pillow over my eyes and try to sleep it off, but the caffeine wouldn't let me sit still. Don't misunderstand, I'm no caffeine virgin. I've drunk coffee and tea before going to bed before and, while it does make me a little too jittery, I can eventually fall asleep. No so with this pill. It must be 10 times the caffeine content of coffee.
The next morning, I went for the fasting blood draw and it took me another day to get my body to relax from the drugs.
So this time, taking the test, I decided to do the urine thing first, the caffeine thing second and do the blood draw the following morning. I think that I am smart and start the testing.
So last night I took the four pain killers and started collecting my urine. At around two this morning I awoke with nausea and upset stomach. It was hard sleeping and I don't think I reached REM for the rest of the night.
Aside: A long time ago, I decided that I shouldn't take pain killers because my body would build up a tolerance for them and the one time I really had the need for them, they wouldn't be effective. It has been years (other than the first time I took this test) since I've taken any pain killers. I take them, and they give me pain. This just supports my claim that any time people give me western medicine, it either does the opposite of what it should or the side affects are worse than the original problem.
So, my alarm rings this morning to get me up for my last urine collection and to start phase two. I am still groggy from not sleeping well. I went out to the kitchen and took the two NoDoz pills, then my eyes focused on the directions which explicitly say take only one pill and discard the other. ARGHHH!!!
Insight: After being on a modified fast for the past 2.5 weeks where I had absolutely NO caffeine, I have now put two, count 'em, two extra strength caffeine pills into my body. I am having a challenging time typing because I am shaking so badly. The headache and nausea must now take a backseat to the urge to pull my heart out and bury it in blankets until it calms down. This is going to be a very VERY long day.
I called the doctor and she said to go ahead with the test and just note that I took two pills instead of one. Goodness, I hope this is okay. I do not want to have to repeat this test.
So here I am, a wasteful bundle of nerves today. I'm shaking all over. I have already drunk around 6 glasses of water so far thinking maybe I can dilute the effects a little. I'm going to go eat some rice or something to try and soak some of this caffeine up a little. Does caffeine work like that? If it were alcohol, I know it would help, but does caffeine have the same properties as alcohol? They are both altering drugs, right?
I think I'll go run around the block a few times.
*sigh*
The first portion of the test is to take a NoDoz maximum strength caffeine pill and then spit in a tube in 2 hours. Then spit in another tube 4 hours after that. I did this 8 hours before I went to bed. Then right before I went to bed, I started phase 2 of the test. I took two acetaminophen and two Bayer aspirins and had to collect my urine for 10 hours.
What an awful night. I couldn't lie down because the caffeine pills were making my little heart go pitty pat right at an absurd rate. So I spent the whole sleepless night pacing the living room floor, and collecting my urine. My stomach was immensely upset and I was nauseous. Usually, when I am feeling that way, I stick a lavender pillow over my eyes and try to sleep it off, but the caffeine wouldn't let me sit still. Don't misunderstand, I'm no caffeine virgin. I've drunk coffee and tea before going to bed before and, while it does make me a little too jittery, I can eventually fall asleep. No so with this pill. It must be 10 times the caffeine content of coffee.
The next morning, I went for the fasting blood draw and it took me another day to get my body to relax from the drugs.
So this time, taking the test, I decided to do the urine thing first, the caffeine thing second and do the blood draw the following morning. I think that I am smart and start the testing.
So last night I took the four pain killers and started collecting my urine. At around two this morning I awoke with nausea and upset stomach. It was hard sleeping and I don't think I reached REM for the rest of the night.
Aside: A long time ago, I decided that I shouldn't take pain killers because my body would build up a tolerance for them and the one time I really had the need for them, they wouldn't be effective. It has been years (other than the first time I took this test) since I've taken any pain killers. I take them, and they give me pain. This just supports my claim that any time people give me western medicine, it either does the opposite of what it should or the side affects are worse than the original problem.
So, my alarm rings this morning to get me up for my last urine collection and to start phase two. I am still groggy from not sleeping well. I went out to the kitchen and took the two NoDoz pills, then my eyes focused on the directions which explicitly say take only one pill and discard the other. ARGHHH!!!
Insight: After being on a modified fast for the past 2.5 weeks where I had absolutely NO caffeine, I have now put two, count 'em, two extra strength caffeine pills into my body. I am having a challenging time typing because I am shaking so badly. The headache and nausea must now take a backseat to the urge to pull my heart out and bury it in blankets until it calms down. This is going to be a very VERY long day.
I called the doctor and she said to go ahead with the test and just note that I took two pills instead of one. Goodness, I hope this is okay. I do not want to have to repeat this test.
So here I am, a wasteful bundle of nerves today. I'm shaking all over. I have already drunk around 6 glasses of water so far thinking maybe I can dilute the effects a little. I'm going to go eat some rice or something to try and soak some of this caffeine up a little. Does caffeine work like that? If it were alcohol, I know it would help, but does caffeine have the same properties as alcohol? They are both altering drugs, right?
I think I'll go run around the block a few times.
*sigh*
