The trip north

[miladycarol]

I’ve returned from Jeremy’s services in Washington. Burying a young man is difficult enough. Burying someone from my inner circle is sheer torture. I consider him a confidant, someone with whom I could be outrageously silly in public and who would never, NEVER be embarrassed. Often, he’d out-silly me which triggered my loud and raucous laughter. He is like a brother/best friend/playmate to me. This has been challenging to me.

I returned to Eugene rather than cross the state of Washington directly from my trip to Montana with the express purpose of bringing karjack and pjack with me. I don’t think I could have made it without them. Our mutual support and the support of those already in Washington made the difference between me being useless to everyone and being able to maybe make a positive contribution. I cannot express my thanks nearly enough. Everyone was beyond wonderful.

Sunday, I must say, was a day of joy. After the extreme lows of Friday and, especially, Saturday -- wherein I felt pretty useless -- Sunday held laughter and connection and the absolute bliss of being completely surrounded by people who absolutely love and adore Jeremy. There was an outdoor pot luck on the very field where I first saw Jeremy pole vault. They hired a live band, all the locals contributed food and barbeque items, two vault pits were set up and the field was packed with people. Between the band’s sets, there was an open mike for anyone who wanted to share stories. So many beautiful stories and sentiments were shared. There was laughter, there were tears, there was love. I had intended to share a fun story of Jeremy and Morgana at the family service on Saturday but I was crying and shaking so much I didn’t think my knees would hold me to stand in front of the church. I had the opportunity to share that story and more on Sunday. Now that I think about it, I may have been up there for quite a while. I have endless great stories about Jeremy, so I guess I managed some restraint. Go me.

Later that afternoon, I presented myself to the other vaulting coach and told him I wanted to vault. I’ve never pole vaulted before and he went to fetch a pole for me. I had Michael take a movie of me for posterity. Maybe I’ll eventually figure out a way to post it. It was thrilling save that bittersweet moment right after I finished when my first thought was, “I can’t wait to tell Jeremy all about this!” Now that I think about it, I’m sure Jeremy was the wind beneath me in that moment. I flew.

As people were beginning to depart, I had several of Jeremy’s vaulters approach me at different times, give me big hugs and tell me I was amazing and to thank me for all I said. I was both touched and tearful.

Afterward, Jeremy’s local gaming group invited us out for dinner and ice cream to trade stories. What a wonderful bunch of gentlemen. I’m so glad he had a great crew up north. gwyd and squirrelmh were there to share their energy and stories, as well. It was just wonderful to sit in the middle of such great love and affection… and great ice cream. I bought the flavours Jeremy last had when we were there, minus the caramel.

Karjack, Pjack and I parted with Robbin Monday morning after helping some more with the apartment and a bit of breakfast. The trip home was filled with companionable stories and singing. I just love singing together with people on car trips. I think I drive better while singing. Maybe I sing better while driving, too. Jury is still out. After a weekend of highs and lows and no middle ground, it was really nice to relax at home in the loving embrace of my sweet G and the puppies.

Comments

[sandypawozbun.livejournal.com]

What a beautiful and hopefully healing weekend you had. Pole vaulting?!? Go you! *hug*

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

Jeremy coached pole vaulting for years. He vaulted himself and recently tied for second in his class. I barely cleared the mat and it was exhilarating. Go me, indeed! Thank you. *hugs*

[jrtom.livejournal.com]

It was good to see you and the rest; I'm sorry that we had to miss dinner.

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

Likewise.

[cathaus.livejournal.com]

Thank you for posting this. I kind of jogged me out of a spot of numbness about it all. Hm. Now I'm rather wishing I'd gone, but I just wasn't up to dealing.

I'm so glad they had the big celebration - it sounds like Jeremy was loved by so many!

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

He is indeed. We're having a local Eugene celebration for him, probably Saturday afternoon. This Saturday. I realize you'll likely be at Egils, still, I'll post about it as soon as I make all the phone calls to see if we need to reserve a spot.

[indiecowboy.livejournal.com]

That is one experience that shouldn't get easier with time, but best shared with friends. All my hugs and love to you...remind me to give you some in person when I see you in two weeks.

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

Forget reminding you to give me hugs. My plan is to gregariously take them.