Wow.

[miladycarol]

It’s been both a wonderful and amazingly difficult week. On the one hand, I was at Orycon surrounded by friends, I’ve had great success with my knees this week, I have filled this week with gatherings of all my loved ones… but then there is the flip side. The sadder one. Everything I’ve done and am doing this week is the last for months. Though I’m trying not to think of it as much as possible, last night, I cried. I’m weeping now. Pathetic, right? I guess it wouldn’t bother me at all if I were venturing upon some wonderful holiday where I would bring back lovely tales and great gifts, but I have a very difficult time wrapping my brain around that concept when I am going to Australia.

I blame Zach.

Last night, he took me aside and said the most wonderful things while hugging me supportively. Dang. A few well chosen words and he broke me like a twig. All that effort to wall off that section of my soul behind cinderblocks and pointy sticks gone to waste.

I guess this makes it even more important that I find a way to move in a more positive direction where The Family is concerned. If I fail, I’ll have failed my whole community. You all have so much faith in me, more than I even have for myself. I can’t even express how important that is, but I probably don’t need to, as you already know it. I love you all.

Comments

[indiecowboy.livejournal.com]

Now, now...even if failure is possible (which I feel it's not) you won't fail us, ever.

Quite the contrary. You are the soul of our community. No matter where you are.

I love you deeply, my dearest friend.

Address pleezy when you get settled, the better to send Solsitce things to and post cards.

Remember...you're always in my thoughts and prayers.

*big hug*

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

I've sent the address to your Yahoo IM, but it costs more to mail thing internationally, so please don't tax your funds to do so. I would feel badly if you missed out on fruit and veggies to send me a package that can wait a few months. Honestly. The fact that you're so concerned and willing is more than enough for me. *big hug*

[karjack.livejournal.com]

Hopefully it will be better this time around, sugar pumpkin. This time around, stay in touch with us, yeah? Let us know what's going on. You know I'd move mountains for you if I had to, but I got to know first. So. You must stay in touch! Naudiz demands it!

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

I'll start a rant lock in LJ. I'll dish all the dirt, but, optimistically, there will be very little need to rant. I still have dreams of arriving to find opening, more loving arms with smiles and burgeoning respect. Oh, and rivers of dark chocolate, white fluffy tempurpedic clouds, and happy puppy kisses. Hey, let's toss in some free gems and crystals dripping from the trees, ripe for the jeweling.

*blink blink*

A girl can fantasize, can't she?

*blink blink*

[agthorr.livejournal.com]

Last night, he took me aside and said the most wonderful things while hugging me supportively. Dang.

Yeah, Zack revealed himself to be capable of being quite touching...

I guess this makes it even more important that I find a way to move in a more positive direction where The Family is concerned.

nonononono! Your job is to try to find a way, but the important part is that you know that we love you even if things with them remain... less than ideal.

If you remain stuck at a roadblock there, you can't go into self-pity mode where you claim to have failed both you and your whole community and that you're awful because you cannot change other people. We won't allow it. If you try it, you will be THWAPed! So don't even try it. Please?

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

Zach has many wonderful layers. I appreciate them all.

My challenge in his family's presence is to remain true to myself. Somehow, they manage to suck me into a black hole of despair within moments of being with them. If I could just figure out how they do it, I might be able to cut them off at the pass. I'm working on it. But therein lies part of the problem. Once all the joy has been sucked from my life, I find it difficult to stay out of self-pity mode. I think that's what scares me the most about his family. They bring out the absolute worst about me. And I am stuck there. With no positive outlets and no one to physically Thwap me. I guess this is my challenge at this stage of my life.

[lurkitty.livejournal.com]

Dear Lady, what can I say that has not been said. You are a strong and beautiful woman, and you're not going to stop being that just because a few people haven't noticed what's staring them in the face. This is what someone told me the other day: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." (Marianne Williamson)

So go out and be who you are and revel in it. Be secure in the fact that we are all still here and can take anything you want to rant about. And the hugs will be just that much tighter when you get home.

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

I'm banking on those hugs! And I anticipate all your wonderful words while I am gone. Thank you for your faith in me. *hug*

[altrus.livejournal.com]

You can do it! Though it is a challenge and discomfort, it is these things that most often define us and make us into the best we can be.

And if that doesn't work, just compare the time gone on a geological time scale... what, something like 0.000000000000001% of an eon. ;-)

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

You have wisdom beyond measure!

[cathaus.livejournal.com]

safe and sane journeys!