(no subject)

[miladycarol]

DISCLAIMER: Please don't assume that what follows is anything other than my own personal opinion for myself. It is not a judgment call on anyone else's thoughts and actions. This is not meant to offend but to explore our individual development and revel in all the wonderful differences that add so much flavour to our lives.

I posted yesterday that I celebrated someone’s birthday with them. I then mused on how remarkable I find it that some people really enjoy recognizing their birthday because it is such a foreign concept to me.

It was sagely put forth that, as humans, we are naturally predisposed to desiring special attention on our birthday. So, I wonder then, am I something other than human? I'm not being facetious, I'm just following a line of thought. I don't consider myself "selfless" by any stretch of the imagination. I enjoy giving in the way that I do but recognize reasonable limits and have plenty of activities that are wholly for my own satisfaction.

On the other hand, I don't have a birthday. I don't care to have a birthday. There isn't one day of the year that I believe everyone should recognize as mine and pay attention to me. Granted, it all started because the actual anniversary of my birth happens to coincide with many negative events, but this notion has become widespread in my life. I don’t celebrate any events in my life where I receive gifts or expect accolades of any sort. My wedding was low key with only two other people who parted as soon as the papers were signed. I don’t celebrate Christmas, Solstice, anniversaries… nothing like that. I am always proud and honoured when someone goes out of their way to compliment me upon my work, so it’s not a matter of painful shyness. I guess, I’m not really sure what spurs this line of thought and feeling in me. Honestly, though I know the date of my birth, I don’t even think about it. When that day rolls around, it is just like any other and I have no feeling for it one way or another. I often don't even remember it is my birthday.

Yet, when it is someone else’s birthday, I’m all about making them a gift or baking something. I go out of my way to make time for people’s graduations, anniversaries or other various celebrations centered upon them. One might conclude that I am not fundamentally opposed to celebrations that recognize the self, but that I don’t recognize or encourage the celebration of me.

What does that say about my psyche? I don’t consider myself any less worthy. I am not aware of any glaring self-image issues that would result in this behavior. So, I wonder. Does anyone have anything they’d like to contribute to this? Any relevant questions or remarks?

Comments

[lurkitty.livejournal.com]

I will don my psychologist hat and dare to say that you are just a very nice person of the caregiver persuasion, not an abberation. You just find more fulfillment in giving than receiving, which is wonderful. The world needs more of you. Your other posts show you have an intact sense of self and good boundaries.

If we were all like you, however, who would eat the all the delicious baked goods thus generated?

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

*snicker* Mmmm... baking is fun. And thank you for your compliments. *low bow*

i am just guessing on here

[davesc4545.livejournal.com]

the 1st post back to this i think said what i could not put in as many words ( lol ) but from what your post say now i think yes you find your self easyer to give and share of your self than to have some one give back to you.


now the ? is or was it your birthday in the last few days do you also find that age is a grander thing tnan ageing ,as in well i am 39 but everything ages ...

Re: i am just guessing on here

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

As far as age goes, I'm not at all embarrassed or scared of becoming older. I add another to my age the first of every January. I've pretty much done that since I was twelve. The funny thing is, that is exactly what G's culture does. The Chinese New Year is so very important--and such a big celebration--because everyone becomes a year older. It's one giant national birthday party and everyone gives gifts to each other. I find it a very cool custom.

And, no, my actual birth date has nothing to do with this musing. It isn't even in this season. The catalyst for this discussion was my friends' birthdays. I've actually been to 4 parties in the past month.

[karjack.livejournal.com]

As for what people call a human urge, or a human desire, etc. etc. I think it's more accurate to say that 'most humans in this culture' rather than making it sound as though you must conform or you're not human. Everyone is different, and just because you don't feel the same way about X as everyone else doesn't make you fundamentally wrong. Just different, and that's okay.

Years of stressful holidays has instilled a policy in me to celebrate my friends and family every chance I get. If there is a neat little present I think they'd like, why wait for a particular day to get it? I may not know your birthday, and we may not celebrate it formally, but I would like to think that every time we're together it is a celebration of your birth, of mine, and our friendship.

Why treat one day a year as special when, in truth, they all are?

[miladycarol.livejournal.com]

I agree. I spent the first half of my life coming to terms with how "different" I am and spent the second half embracing and indulging these differences.

I also feel that each day is a celebration of our births and lives and strive to create that feeling. I find that I have become a far more appreciative person as a result.

I value your opinions and thank you for sharing them. *hug*

[indiecowboy.livejournal.com]

As a coping mechanism it would seem to me that you have developed an *aversion* to celebrations on the calander. You have much unhappiness around many dates. For you to be okay you look at the calander differently. That's what you need to do.

But...I think you like to celebrate the every day. Bust out a pot of tea, bake a snack for a game gathering, make a necklace or bracelet for someone on your mind.

Those are the BEST celebrations!